Two words STRIP POKER!
by Queen Of Cliffhangers
Summary: Kittyluver87 and WiLdWiTcH are back with more STRIP POKER! *cackles* hey...who are those men with that weird white coat coming towards here. Huh? Strait jacket? Read this while I'm fighting here*punches man*
1. students

A/N:  Hi everyone!  This is a story by WiLdWiTcH and kittyluver87 written at midnight!  We hope that ya'll like it (if it's a little crazy, you can blame WiLdWiTcH for being just a lil' hyper!)!  WARNING: MAJOR STIP POKER!!!! MAY BE UNSUITABLE FOR CHILDREN UNDER AGES OF 14!!!!!

            It was a cold and rainy evening in the Gryffindor common room (no, it was _not_ raining indoors!).  Harry, Ron, and Hermione were all crowded around the fire, watching Fred and George play exploding snap with Angelina, Katie, and Alicia.  Harry, struck by a sudden crazy impulse, began to laugh hysterically.

            "What's so funny?"  Ron asked him bewilderedly.

            "I just thought of something that I overheard Dudley talking about over the summer."

            "Oh, really?  What kind of crazy idea?"  Asked Hermione.

            "Strip poker!"  Harry burst out laughing again.  Hermione also began to snigger at the thought of fat, whale-like Dudley playing strip poker with his friends.

            "What's strip poker?"  Asked Ron.  Everyone, even the muggle born students, looked in their direction.

            "Have any of you ever played poker before?"  Hermione asked, familiar with the game.  There was a murmur of no's through the crowd.  Hermione explained how it worked.  "The object of the game is to put together a better poker hand than the other players. The players bet to see who has the best hand. Each deal is a separate game, in that its result doesn't affect any other deal. All the bets are placed together, forming a pot. The object is to win the pot, whether by actually holding the best hand or by inducing other players to fold (drop out) and leave the pot to be taken, uncontested, by a single player still willing to bet.  The turn to deal, the cards as they are dealt, and the turn to bet all pass clockwise from player to player. Once a player folds, the turn skips him or her and continues with the next player still in the action.  Generally, the cards are shuffled and dealt; there follows one or more betting intervals; and there's a showdown at the end of the last betting interval in which each player who has not previously folded shows what's in his or her hand. The highest-ranking hand at that point wins the pot. In our case, instead of betting money, we'll be betting on clothing items to take off!"

            "She must have swallowed a dictionary on the game of poker."  Ron muttered.  Hermione threw him a Look.

            "Well, that sounds like fun!"  Said George after his hand exploded in his face.

            "Okay…who wants to play?"  Most of the muggle born people scampered from the room at that point, with the exception of Hermione and Dean.  There were only 13 people left in the room after everyone who didn't want to play left.  "Ookay…everyone, get in a circle.  Fred, shuffle those cards and then pass out 5 to everyone."

            "Hermione, I don't think this is such a good idea."  Harry began to say.

            "Oh, Harry, live a little!"  Hermione pouted.  "Here's something else.  If you loose the bet, you take an article of clothing off.  If your hand explodes in your face, same thing."  Everyone nodded in agreement.  Ginny looked a little nervous.  She just happened to be the youngest one there.  Harry looked at his hand and winced. 2, 4, 10, jack, and an ace; it was the worst hand that he had ever gotten.  Angelina, who was to the left of Fred, looked at her cards.

            "Um…I think I'll bet…my shoe."  She said, hurriedly.  They went around the circle.  George bet his shirt, Ginny bet her scrunchi, and Harry ended up being the only one who folded.  Everyone holding their breaths in expectation, they placed their cards out on the floor.  Hermione made a quick count up over the cards. To everyone's surprise, Ron won.  Everyone groaned except for Harry.  The girls each removed a shoe (except for Ginny who removed her scrunchi) and Fred and George removed their shirts (the girls all giggled and they blushed).

            "This isn't much fun yet."  Ron moaned, taking up his hand.  Hermione and Harry smirked.

            "You just wait!"  Hermione squealed.  In no more then 10 minutes, Harry, Dean, and Seamus were down to their pants; Angelina, Alicia, and Katie were in their bras and pants (A/N: anybody under 14, LEAVE NOW!), Parvarti, Lavender, and Ginny were socks and shirts (and undies; no worries here…); Hermione was attempting to hide her lower body under her shirt; and Fred and George were in their boxers, shoes, and socks.  Ron hadn't taken anything off yet.

            "This is too easy!  You guys have to at least try."  He said after causing them to loose yet another clothing item.

            "That's it; we've had enough."  Said Lavender and Parvarti.  They gathered off of their clothes and stormed off to their dorm.  Dean attempted to stifle a yawn.

            "I'm too tired.  I'm going to bed."  Said Dean, Seamus, Alicia, and Katie in unison.  They all left.  The remaining 7 people looked at each other.

            "Should we continue playing?"  Hermione asked timidly.  Fred and George looked at her in astonishment.

            "Of course!"  They replied.  They picked up their cards.  Harry looked at his. 4 aces and a king.  He looked up at them, a grin stretching across his face.

            "Pants." Harry said.

            "You guys choose."  Said Ron.  Harry's grin, if possible, grew.

            "Um…socks."  Ginny was beginning to get a look of fear on her face.

            "Shoes!"  Said Fred.  George agreed.

            "Fold!!!"  Hermione said quickly.  Angelina did the same.  They put down their cards.  Fred and George groaned and removed their shoes.  Ginny removed her socks.  They all looked at Ron, then back to each other.

            "Shirt!"  They all cried.  Ron's mouth opened.  He was about to let go of his cards when they exploded.  "Shoes!"  They all cried out.  He removed the articles and flung them over his shoulder.  They landed inches from the fireplace.  They shuffled the cards once again and passed them out.  Ginny's trembling face ceased suddenly and she grinned.  Harry looked at his cards; full house.  _Not bad_, he thought.

            "Pants!"

            "Bra!"

            "FOLD!!!" Angelina screamed.

            "Socks!"

            "Er…socks."

            "Shirt!"

            The cards were placed down on the floor.  To his great astonishment, Harry had won again.  Ginny trembled as she removed her shirt.  She crossed her arms over her chest.  Fred and George were actually beginning to look nervous as they took their socks off.  Hermione snapped her bra and put it in her lap.

            "Okay…" Harry breathed.  The cards were passed out once more.

            "F-fold!"  Hermione stuttered.

            "Same…" Angelina seemed to not like the game any more.  Harry thought for a moment and then said, "Pants."  Ron agreed with him.  Before any of the remaining Weasleys could say anything, their hands exploded.  They looked around in horror.  Suddenly, the portrait hole opened and everyone scampered behind a couch.

            "What is going on in here!"  Professor McGonagall practically screamed, examining the piles of clothes on the floor.  "DETENTION FOR ALL OF YOU AND 50 POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR!  GO TO BED-NOW!"  As she stormed off, they quickly gathered up their clothes and ran.  Fred and George looked at Harry and Ron with identical grins.  "Wanna play tomorrow?"


	2. Teachers (!)

A/N: Someone asked for a sequel where the teachers play and we (WiLdWiTcH and kittyluver87) thought that it would be hilarious!  So…here it is!!!!! WARNING: MORE MAJOR STRIP POKER!  RANE, IF YOU'RE READING THIS, I SUGGEST THAT YOU GET OFF RIGHT NOW!!!!!

            "Barking mad!"  Professor McGonagall fumed as she told the other teachers what the Gryffindor students were doing.  Snape was trying really, really, _really_ hard to keep the sneer from his face.  It was actually quite humorous from what she was telling them.  "I was forced to watch the whole thing to make sure that nothing came off completely.  Once I saw that hands explode in the Weasleys' faces, I knew it had to stop."

            "Minerva, you do have to admit that it sounds quite funny!"  Squeaked tiny Professor Flitwick.

            "Well, why don't we see why this game is such a hoot?!"  Asked Madam Hooch.  Suddenly Professor Trelawney burst into the room.

            "I was crystal gazing (A/N: Doesn't she always burst in like this?!) and I saw that you were going to be playing a game.  I would like to play too!"  The teachers looked around at each other and McGonagall finally said, "Who's got a pack of cards?"

            As the game progressed, more and more of the teachers revealed their inner selves.  Lupin was wearing long tube socks that, if he pulled them up to full length, would come up past his knees.  The heart-patterned boxers that Snape was wearing, however, disturbed everyone even more.  Professor Sprouts' face was bright red from the torment that she was going through with her matching bright green thong and bra from Victoria's Secret.  She had wrapped her discarded robe around her body, much to the disapproval of her colleagues.

            "I'll bet my tube socks."  Lupin said as the final hand went into play.

            "Boxers."  Snape grunted.  His face was even more pale then usual.  _Why didn't the Marauders ever thing to play this back when we were in school?! _Lupin thought in amusement.  He was having the time of his life.

            "Undershirt!"  Squeaked Flitwick.

            "Bra…" Said Trelawney in her mystical voice.  She hadn't gotten the hang of the game at all and had lost nearly every round.  The only person who was loosing worse then her was-

            "Do I have to bet?"  Whined McGonagall.  To her horror, she was sporting only her underwear and bra.  She was not having fun.

            "What is going on in here?"  Asked a voice from the door.  The faculty looked up from their positions and saw Dumbledore standing with a look of amusement and anger splayed across his face.

            "Er…nothing?"  Tried the majority of the group.  Dumbledore sighed and everyone scrambled for their clothing, much like the Gryffindor students had.  _Maybe I shouldn't take away those 50 points after all…I got caught playing too!_  McGonagall thought.  After everyone had left, a lone figure emerged from his hiding place among the robes in the robe closet.

            "This is _so_ going in the great hall!"  Colin Creevey squealed in delight.  _People will pay millions for this stuff!_

A/N: Okay…this one wasn't as good but it also wasn't written at midnight!  Comments (*winces* and flames) are accepted!


	3. hehehe...find out!!!!

WiLdWiTcH and kittyluver87: You wanted more…but sometimes you should be careful for what you wish for!  It just might come true…

            "Strip poker?  The teachers?"  Lucius Malfoy said in disgust.

            "What's strip poker?"  Someone asked.  Malfoy snorted.

            "It's a muggle game that has become the latest thing for most of the students there.  Even the teachers are playing it."  He explained how the game was played and several of the deatheaters snorted.  Snape frowned.

            "I didn't find it all that funny, Malfoy."  He said.

            "Maybe that's because one of the students passed around photos of you in heart print boxers."  Snape took out his wand.

            "I've got a better idea; instead of jinxing each other to death, let's settle this with a friendly game of poker.  Who's in?"

            "As long as we're not betting money.  The wife's angry with me for spending so much time gambling instead of doing my job."  Said Nott.  Malfoy sighed.

            "I guess we're playing strip poker, then."  Malfoy conjured a pack of exploding snap cards and dealt them to each player.  His own wife was playing.  _If this gets out, I'll be the laughing stock of the entire ministry!_  Thought Fudge.  He had just recently joined the deatheaters after Voldemort had promised him to be the minister of magic when he, Voldemort, was the ruler of the world.

            "Okay…when you want to bet something, you just say the item, right?"

            "Yes, but wait your turn."  Two deatheaters were already beginning to fight.

            "Left of the dealer, just like in exploding Snape."

            "I do believe that's exploding snap."

            "I like exploding Snape better."

            "ROBES!"  Someone screamed out.

            "I'll second that."  Narcissa saunter over and put her hands playfully on her waist, pursing her lips at the crowd.  Most of them went bright red and mumbled something like, "Yeah…I'll agree to that…" Malfoy frowned at them and the proceeded to examine their cards carefully.  "Ace, king, queen, jack, 10."  She said silkily, stroking one of the deatheaters jaw line.   He blushed and put down his hand to reveal the worst hand that anyone had ever seen.  He stood up and while all the while looking Narcissa right in the eyes, removed his robes.  When his face reappeared over the edge of the robes, Narcissa had moved away and was attempting to seduce another deatheater.  He stuck out his lower lip and pouted.

            "Darn."

            "I win."  She said, sitting down on a chair and crossing one leg over the other.  Most of the men looked hungrily at the exposed skin.  Malfoy felt just about ready to use the killing curse on everybody right then and there.

            The game went on like that for quite some time, Narcissa beginning to loose on purpose and revealing a hot pink, matching set of Victoria's Secret bra and undies.  Malfoy had his robes and everything stripped from his back and blushed furiously as the entire cave roared with laughter at his witey-tighty, broomstick patterned undies.  Wormtail had joined in two rounds ago and had already scared most of the players away with his Barney boxers.  Out of the cave they ran, screaming at the top of their lungs.  The remaining players looked at each other and shrugged.

            "All."  Narcissa said, rubbing her hands along the side of her body, and kneeled down to reveal a 2, 7, 9, king, and an ace.  All the men leaned foreword and she wrapped her arms around her body once more.

            "WHAT THE BLOODY HELL IS GOING ON IN HERE?!"  A voice roared from the entrance of the cave.  12 deatheaters, all strung up and nowhere to go, were being led by the last person that they would want to view them at that moment.  Voldemort began firing curses everywhere, catching people in the butt.  Narcissa began to wail loudly and the game was abruptly ended.

WiLdWiTcH:  Not as funny as the other two…possibly one more to come after this, that is, if we're in a good mood later…or at least, if I'M in a good mood, since I'm the one who's typing!  Hey!  Give…me…that…keyboard!  

Kittyluver87: Sorry, all, my co-writer WiLdWiTcH here is a little too wild for the keyboard.  I'll give it back later, when she's calmed down.  TTFN!  *blows kisses at all the devoted hp fans who love and adore funny fics like this tacky one!*

WiLdWiTcH: *scowls angrily* Hey, that's my line! *attempts to escape from strait jacket*

Kittyluver87: Sorry, hun, you're staying there for a bit until I call the mental hospital.

WiLdWiTcH: *cackles insanely and struggles some more*


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